What a lovely season for some self-love! Last time we were together, we explored the topics of sexual self-care and sexual imagination. My definitions are as follows:
1. Self-Care is things we do to anticipate the needs of our future self. It’s carving out money, time, or resources for the things that make hard days a little easier. The effort
and thoughtfulness you put into creating a peaceful life is self-care, not the money you
spend to achieve it.
2. Sexual Self-Care is anticipating the needs of your future self during erotic experiences. Figuring out what things you like, finding items to stimulate your senses, and exploring yourself are all examples of sexual self-care.
3. Sexual Imagination is being able to let your mind wander and connect to self and your partner without the weight of distractions. Let’s jump back into another set of tips and tricks for your sexual self-care that develop a sexual imagination using the five senses.
Sense of Sight
Use the mirrors to map your body with your hands. Try low lighting in the bathroom or in your bedroom with some candles. Let your mind focus on only what place you’d like to be touched and direct your hands of where to go next, ie “ stomach, neck, belly”. You can keep it simple or
make it as erotic as you’d like. What this does, is allow you to be present with every part of your
body, which is what partly makes you you. The other thing that makes you you, is your presence
and your awareness that you are here in the moment making choices for your life and your body. This is an exercise in presence, surrender, and joy.
Sense of Sound
Use the mirror activity again, but this time, say the body parts out loud and close your eyes. This may be difficult if you have any lingering feelings of apprehension around touch and what it means for your body. Open your eyes at any time you need to recenter yourself, or, try using a mantra like “I am here, with myself, touching myself”. This can reground you.
Sense of Touch
Make yourself a little sensory mystery box. Start out with a small container and fill it up over the week with household items that aren’t in use with different textures. You can also purchase things just for your adventure but this way is also fun. A fuzzy keychain holder that never worked out, a duster you planned to use but was left on a shelf, or a remote with no owner in sight can all be used for this activity since you will just be grazing it across your legs and arms. Once you have your box filled, save it for some time when you will be able to be alone and uninterrupted. The longer you leave the box alone, the more fun it will be as you will likely forget what’s in it. Sit on your bed with the box and, with your eyes closed, pull out different objects and use them to brush across your legs and try and guess what they are. You can open your eyes at the end of in between each mystery box item. The purpose of this is to develop a sense of whimsy and safety, which grows your imagination.
Sense of Taste
The mystery box can be used with candies as well for a heightened experience. Create a separate container for various candies and filled chocolates and try a blind taste test. Use a silk blindfold and put on some music you enoy and pour a few different types of complimentary wines or drinks. Its best if you put the drinks in mugs so that you won’t knock them over. its also best if you do this one on the floor, with a towel under you!
Sense of Smell
Use essential oils to explore you sense of smell and eroticicism. So many smells evoke different feelings for different people. Try edging with a diffuser near by. You would masturbate as usual, except you would periodically stop near orgasm and pour a different scent into your diffuser.
You can also try this with essential oils in separate spray bottles. You add a couple of drops to water to the bottles and now you have a aromatic and erotic experince. You can get a small set of 5 essential oils and a small set of 5 spray bottle right at the dollar store. Remember, have fun, break the rules, ground yourself, and free your mind so your body can follow.
Byline – Crystal Saiyge is a Black woman, sex-positive interfaith minister, wife, and mom of three. Her virtual chapel, #Churchofthebando is a liberated space for global spirituality, thoughtful inspiration, grief counseling, sex-positive education and trap karaoke. Visit crystalsaiyge.com for more info.